Airborne to ScareBorne

I don't like flying. No seriously – I don't like air travel. I walked to school, rode the bus to college and cycled to the university. Our annual family trips were generally by rail. I'm not afraid of flying – not that there is anything wrong about the human tendency of fear of flying. Human beings are not supposed to fly. Put a shark in a bus and he would feel the same. So its perfectly normal to be afraid of flying.

Coming back to the point. I hate air-travel. And then the most worst things happen when you are flying. The flights are always late. Your bags never reach the destination. All flights are overbooked. You don't get the seats you ask for. There is inevitably a fat lady in the adjacent seat. They always have to change the gate at the 11^th hour. You have to arrive at the air-port 1 hour prior to a 30 minute flight. You are stripped at security. All this for arriving at your destination late after spending tons of money.

1. I'm a vegetarian – yeah kill me – its a crime being a vegetarian in America. Each time I have to create a huge ruckus while food is served in the aircraft. This time thankfully I was flying First-Class. And the stewardess comes up with the menu “Sir, would you like to have Shrimp with Pasta or Garden Salad with Chicken?” I replied, “Could you make a Vegetarian salad??” And she goes, “Sir, that would cost you 5 dollars”. Now seriously how difficult is it NOT to put the chicken in the salad or how cumbersome it is to avoid adding the shrimp to the pasta. And to top it all, I'm flying First Class. Pay shit-load of money and don't even get food. And they have to ask for a meager 5 bucks. Such apathy!!

2. Last week I was flying to Dallas, the flight was delayed due to a “technical snag” - The air-hostess was extremely apologetic. No seriously she even delivered her speech. “This is Anna. US Airways apologizes for the delay. The aircraft door was slam shut and we had to break open it, thereby causing a minor crack in the door.” Its something like the pilot forgot the aircraft keys at home and had to rush back to get it. They should avoid handing the microphone to blondes henceforth.

3. And then the pilot goes on the PA system “Ladies and gentlemen, this is Steve from the cockpit. We apologize for the delay. Its a 5 hour flight to Dallas and we hope to cover up for the delay, enroute.” Now seriously, how do you intend to cover up for the delay. Fly faster, I assume. So if you can really faster, why not just fly faster all the time... Do they intentionally fly slow at all other times????

This blog has been heavily influenced by Jerry Seinfeld.